I remember exactly where I was twenty years today. It wasn’t a happy memory however it is one that has bled into my life over the years and has formed a lot of who I’ve become.
I remember the phone ringing and the voice on the other end of the line telling me that it was over. He had lost the battle and it was done. I wrote a post last year about losing my high school boyfriend to a drunk driver.
What hurts the most is time. For all the years that have passed, I remember that phone call and can still hear each syllable that she said to me. Each word as it passed her lips is set in stone. What is slipping away are the memories of him. I think I remember what his voice sounded like, and how his smile could brighten my world, but most of my memories are best guesses. It’s almost like his memories are fading into the dark and what I have left are the near transparent vintage films being shown on a brick wall in the dark. Fading more and more each year.
It’s easier to let it slip away as time continues to pass, but it’s still difficult to reason that these old memories are being replaced with good ones. I think he’d be happy to see where my life ended up and I think he’d like T, my husband of 15 ½ years. So, it's not the life I could see for myself twenty years ago, however, the fact that I am happy counts for more than anything.
Kahlil Gibran famously said, “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” I agree. As sad as I want to be today, I am happy for having the time to know him. We had a lot of good memories in our time together.
So, if you take anything from this post, take this…
Cherish the ones you have in your life. They leave special fingerprints on your heart that last forever.
The below video is a song from Avril Lavigne that always makes me think of D.
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